a note

i seriously need to sit down and think and sort out my life.

i thought i could be managing it well. i am really happier these days, but sometimes, i sit down and i start thinking what could have been and whether i could have done something to change the situation as it is.

there were also doubts floating in my mind on whether i am willing to do anything about it and questions like would it be worth it?

months have passed. time sure flies. there are many occasions where i think i am doing the correct thing. i am happy and that’s that. but i am not void of feelings. i do care a lot for him still. i do want to know how he is getting on and how life have been treating him, just like how i would love to find out about my friends’ lives. and then, frankly, other than checking with his friends occasionally.. there’s is really no way for me to know.

we do not talk. he doesn’t seemed interested in taking any initiative in talking to me. i don’t know if he is sore or angry still. or maybe, still trying to accept the fact that the selfish girl (that’s me) have decided to step out of his life and think for myself, instead of thinking about us. i do not blame him, because i do know that i have inflicted a lot of hurt on him, given his current situations and the nasty stuff life has dished upon him. i do want to be there for him, encourage him whenever i could, and be the nicest girlfriend that i could ever be.

but im stretched so thin, i have nothing else to give. i have nothing but frustrations to add. i couldn’t give ample support and as life has presented itself to us, the tricky situations that have been tough for us to survive. communication is lacking and time is limited.

have i really tried hard enough? i don’t know. i guess it’s gonna be really hard for me to move on without a note from him and actually knowing what he is thinking.

time should tell right? i should just take a step and a time, not think to much and just live each day to the fullest, and keeping myself sane and happy. i think that should suffice and help me survive.