i wrote a long entry yesterday morning on my way to work, but when i tried to post it.. i kept getting this timed out error for the longest time and i gave up. when i returned to the app in the evening… I was appalled to find the entire entry GONE. not a single hint of it. am devastated because whatever little time i have left to churning out blog entries while juggling work, parenthood and all that household chores, the effort went down the drain.

the thing about blogging is, you can never quite replicate the same entry after you wrote it. i don’t know about others (maybe they can), but me? i always think my 2nd attempt is crap – the feelings and emotions involved aint that strong anymore and it seems more like “getting over the motion” than a “spur in the moment”.

so, here’s my crappy 2nd attempt at what i wanted to jot now.

when people say, parenthood changes your life… i cannot help but agree more.

i was sucha tired cow (literally) yesterday morning. every morning when the alarm rings, i struggle with the same thought about giving up breastfeeding because it is so mentally draining and physically torturous with the lack of sleep plus the demanding fast, paced working environment that i am in. i pulled under the blanket covers and wish the alarm would stop, and that time would stop so that i could snooze a little more but i end up each morning, struggling up in bed and getting on with the deed with eyes half closed and in semi-camatose state. i guess mothers are obstinate like that, you just want to give the best for your baby regardless how difficult it is potentially for you.

for the husband, he managed to sleep through his earth-shattering loud buzzing alarm that my entire household and neighbours from 4 stories below could HEAR. I’m not joking!! the alarm rang for as long as i was busy prepping for my day, and finally only stop, not because the husband woke.. but because it has passed the window of time and it stopped.

but get this. we JUMPED outta our skin in the middle of the night at the baby’s first cry. and believe me. my baby’s rather soft when it comes to crying. this must be nature’s way of instilling parental instincts in us. it’s amazing. Ok. maybe not all the time for the husband (he still sleeps through some of the cries) but i think he is getting more aware of his baby while in his sleep.

and i think he was late. i finally woke him when i left the house for work (40 mins after his alarm rang) and the first thing he asked was… huh? why didn’t the alarm ring?! heh.

it did my dear, you just didn’t HEAR it.

and i didnt had the heart to wake him sometimes because i know how tiring it is for me, and i am someone who usually can survive on lesser hours of sleep in comparison. so i could empathize with him because he is one that needs his 10-12hrs of sleep to function.

on a mischievous note, maybe i should change his alarm buzzer to that of his son’s wailing one day and see if he would wake.

its mid-day. and you know what? i am going to take a nap to pay off my sleep debt. everything else can wait.

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