15 days, i’m all ready to throw my jerry outta the window.

from last night, he has been fussing non stop.. crying for extended periods of time.. my mum took over to soothe him after the husband lost his cool and started shouting at the baby and slamming the room door.

the baby cried all night, the hubby slept all night.

jerry finally stopped fussing at 8am this morning and went to take a precious 3 hr nap. i barely slept, my mum barely slept and today, we both are zombiefied creatures, but guess what? after he woke at 12+ for a feed, he has been CRANKY all over again and is fussing non stop until now.

its my turn to lose my cool. seriously, with the lack of sleep and a hungry stomach (i had nothing since this morning except 4 miserable pieces of zwee kuay that my mum bought from the market. she’s too tired to cook and told me to drink soup to tahan and let her rest, i’m hungry but feel bad to tire her even more so am going hungry).. with a bloody crying and fussing baby, i really stare at the window and have the urge to throw him out just to get the cries off my ears. post natal depression perhaps? i just want my sleep and to the hell with being the milk factory. i cannot even sleep in peace when i do have the chance because the milk bombs are always ready to burst and its damnn sore.

as for the crying baby, i have the urge to storm out to get some gripe water or sleeping pills to stuff the baby with, regardless if its colic or what not. i’m dog-tired and am definitely not in the sane mind right now.

to make matter worse, the hubby gave me grief for the last blog entry that i wrote. because he feels that i shouldnt have wrote what i wrote. but its my blog, my space to air my thoughts and i don’t care who in the world reads it and seriously, i dont give a damn anymore. so says the same with this entry. i am not locking it up.

if only i could tender my resignation as a mother, in the beginning.. i was never maternal to begin with.. i dont like kids and im bloody stuck with a crying baby now. i rather be working my arse off right this moment, and i just told my mum to take over the crying baby because after 3 hrs and perpetual hungry at the back of my mind, i cannot take it anymore. i lost it. i dont want to go near the baby. i had enough putting him down and hear him crying non-stop, carry him and continue crying!! checked temperature and he’s ok. already rubbed ruyi oil on him as well. what else could i do? i want a remote control man. if only babies come with a mute button.

am going to munch on chocolates now, if not, i think i’ll be collapsing next.

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