in a span of 1 week, i received 2 news of family members passing away. first, it was my grand father in law and it was difficult that the husband wasn’t around at all, the bub was being kept out cos he is too young. i managed to get through it all, gritting my teeth and kept telling myself it will be over soon while my mum was busy with hospital visits on my grandma. and on the day i got back to work and trying to recover from it all, my grandma left that very night.

i remembered how i was lying in bed thankful to have survive it all, and finally heading back to work the next day with the husband back to help with the kid and was drifting off to sleep when the shrilling sound of the house telephone rang, followed by a crash (my mum fell while trying to retrieve the phone) and then my brother shouting, ‘careful, careful.. i drive you in immediately!’. i got out of my room to be greeted by bangs of the doors, 2 of them rushing about grabbing clothes, trying to change/pack and a solemn statement from my mum – ‘grandma left already.’

i can’t describe to anyone how numb i felt from it all, and how tired i am during this very trying period, having to support both sides of my family, struggling to stay sane & positive amidst the pregnancy and struggling to keep up with my toddler son and care for him single-handedly because no help is available.

i stayed up all night, with thoughts racing through my mind, tears streaming down the sides of my face and the husband keeping a hand on mine, in silence.. trying very hard to comfort me. i went to work the next day feeling like a zombie, and applied for another round of compassionate leave. all within a week.

it was a christian funeral, and strangely, i felt very at ease and calm when i saw my grandma. i know she’s off to a better place, and she dont have to suffer anymore.

last night, my grandpa (whose 96 this year), gave an eulogy and my uncle had it recorded it down. i teared while listening to it all, and it triggered memories of how i used to spend my holidays working and helping out at the rubber/fruit/coffee plantations, experiencing a rich experience that my peers in singapore never had a chance to in our urban jungle. i remembered how hardworking she was and how capable she is, having both my brother & me with her, while she slogged away. how much she taught me during my growing up years (can you imagine me peddling durian alone in a pasar malam store?), and how much love she showered on the both of us.

the eulogy is in a mix of chinese and teochew, loosely translated by my uncle.

my heart ached at the thought of how much my grandpa loved my grandma, and how much he would be missing her in the days to come.

the entire family is finally back last night when my brother & i went to fetch them from the airport. the air tickets bought were meant to pay my grandma a visit, but it turned out to be just in time to send her off this morning to the burial site, as they weren’t able to get on a flight any earlier.

while i type this.. my grandma is on her way to be buried. my mum didn’t allow me to go for the burial service because of my condition, which pretty sucks in my opinion (because i really wanted to be there) but i’m not about to argue because i know how everyone has been very understanding and trying to keep me out.

rest in peace, my grandfather-in-law and ah ma. i’ll miss you both. dearly.