i’m home alone.

used to have days of such when i was much younger, especially when gor was in the army or when he and mum were in the states. those were in my poly days..

today, i had one of those home alone days again. gor is working overnight and mum is stuck in rengam because there are no longer 2 train services that run through the town anymore and she can only get back on tomorrow’s morning train.

i am little not too used to the quiet house and had to bolt the door up.

tranquility.

had a slow stroll back home earlier after dinner and movie (jumper) with weiling and stella at yishun 10. i thought about people. their achievements. my achievements (nothing!). life in general. memories. people. situations. materialistic stuffs.

do people tend to compare amongst others? is it like a natural instinct? why do i always feel like im a sore loser in everything? am i lacking confidence in myself? or thinking that i am really falling way behind in everything that i am doing. or could it be that i have set high expectation outta myself and i seemed to be falling behind my own expectations and making myself feel miserable?

focus? purpose? goal? i’m constantly self questioning. something i do not think is healthy but i cannot help it.

should i really take in a really really deep breath and then slOOooooOOOoowly exhale and RELAX?!

i don’t know. i need to find peace within my self.



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