been wanting to jot down my thoughts but i have been sooooo tired lately. i crashed out while doing things halfway every night and i sleep in the most odd manner. i havent had a decent conversation with the husband for days..

but i’m surviving. and thankfully for the rain yesterday morning and a nice husband who said yes to sending me to work when i nicely asked. we finally had proper conversations (non-baby related) in the car on the way here listening to class 95 while being stuck in the morning traffic jam that was amplified by the heavy rain. i should be thankful for traffic jam, because it prolonged our chance to have the proper conversations. and thankful for the rain, if not he may not have obliged, and i would have taken the train to work.

these days, i actually have 2nd thoughts about breastfeeding, simply because of ONE reason. i am seriously sleep deprived. i barely clock in 4-5 hours of interrupted sleep each day, and my son has taken to changing his schedules and cries for milk in his sleep. few nights ago, i woke up 3 times to feed him milk. I don’t think its a growth spurt or anything because it just a one day incidence, but it has seriously taken a toil on me because i cannot seemed to concentrate at work and is not as efficient and productive as i used to be pre-pregnancy. Some days, i stand beside the cot in half slumber, head leaned against the cot for support and hand holding the bottle while feeding the milk, not watching whether the teat is still in baby’s mouth. my bad, i know. is this how all young parents struggle? is there anyone out there that can relate with me?

All that bottle washing are still getting to me, but i know i shouldn’t be complaining about this since i have taken it upon myself to relieve my mum from washing the bottles. i don’t think i should tax my mum further since she takes care of the baby the entire day, has household chores to do, look after my attention seeking baby and still has to cook for the family. it’s mentally draining for me, so i would expect it to be worse for someone is double my age. so each night, i come home to 10 empty bottles to wash, 2 sets of pump parts and other accessories like bottle caps and what nots.

heading back to work has also made me realized something. being a nursing, working mother is tough. i have heard stories of how the milk supply would drop when one heads back to work and i am battling with the exact same thing. as much as i try to set a routine and stick to it on all days, there are just occasions where there are long meetings to attend and your routine is right smack in the middle of it and i find it hard to excuse myself and sometimes, it is really critical that i attend the meetings to be able to do my work. but then again, i battle with plugged ducts and dropped supply thereafter and really, there isn’t one good scenario. i guess the only bit that i am thankful about is that i have built up a relatively huge supply in storage while i am on maternity leave so if i really decide to stop one day, it can last 1-2 months after the day i stop.

meanwhile, i am fully intending to battle on despite the struggles and the fatigue, till, say when Jerry turns one year old. but trust me, it is sooooo easy to just give it all up in my situation, especially since the husband keeps telling me its alright to do so because i would have so much more time on my hands to REST.

half of a saturday has just passed. the hubby and me took turns to pay off our sleep debt of 3-hours block. i woke at 7am and slept at 10am, while the husband slept first and woke up to have lunch and headed back to bed till 3pm. as much as i feel its an utter waste of time to sleep the weekend away, i am seriously too tired to bother at this point in time. i do hope things improve over the next couple of months because after working so hard on the weekdays, i do want to enjoy a nice weekend and recharge myself (not with sleeping). i really gotta give it to the folks who can manage a kid, work and still wake up early on weekends to enjoy their weekends. are they surviving on some miraculous energy booster that i am not aware of?

meanwhile, i have many pictures to share from my phone, backlogs of my travelling entries (south africa was half written still and the recent USA) and happy lunches and dinners with friends. i wished there were more hours each day and that i could survive on lesser hours to sleep.

i also feel guilty in one aspect. i kinda stopped taking daily pictures of my son since i started work. i should really arm my mum with a camera so that she can take pictures of my ever-growing son and his development. since i last blogged about his white pearly peeking out, i saw the other one coming right out like a little hill on his gums 2 nights ago. my baby is turning into a chewy baby monster. his favourite chew toy as of now? his fingers. smelly they are.

gotta go get ready and run some errands. hubby has to collect his monthly magazines subscription from kino, while i’m popping by ion to do some exchanges, maybe indulge in a cup of bubbly tea and some shopping before heading off to a girlfriend’s house for some pizza and vino tonight. love.

i kinda missing the days where i had more time on my hands. if only there are 3 days of weekends each week. wouldn’t it be perfect? i.e. sleep one day away and still get 2 days of enjoyment. Hmmm.. makes me want to work in a flexi-working environment.

meanwhile, i hope everyone is enjoying every bit of the precious weekend that’s ticking away.

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