My mind’s a little blank, and the last 2 days felt like a vacuum. Did it just fly past me?

Am dead tired but I just can’t get to sleep. My mum’s taking over the night duty today because the baby has been cranky for the last 3.5hrs, crying non stop with a dry diaper, only stopping for his feed, and starting the ruckus all over again shortly after. I reckon he wants to cuddle, but no.. Am not indulging him, but I guess the in-laws who swung by earlier got him too comfy in the nook of their arms for too long. Sigh. I wish I had the courage to stop everyone from cuddling the baby.. And go around screaming,”hey people, you guys are doing me in by doing that because I’m suffering from the lack of sleep after everyone put down the baby and leaves….

Who gets to deal with a cranky baby after everyone had their fun cuddling? me. And my husband. who suffers from lack of sleep because of the ordeal? me. And husband. who is supposed to be doing confinement and RESTING? me again. tell me, who can achieve any resting with a cranky baby?!

Thing is, its my in-laws so my mouth is shut tight. As much as I want to scream, I had to give them some respect. How? No good solution to this, except that maybe if I bundle up the baby and leave home, to a place where no one knows, let me establish my routines where no one can disturb or mess it up, bring up my baby and maybe say 6 month later and appear, tadah! Baby all grown up and routines established, and life would be easier.

But then, fat hope. How can that even happen in reality?

Seeing how the hubby loses his temper these days at the baby.. I’m in quite a confused state. First, angry with hubby for losing his cool and shouting, but empathize that its not easy for him either, especially after a day at work (and perpetual lack of sleep) and having to handle a cranky baby. Second, pity the poor baby crying his lungs out, unable to express his needs/wants, and then frustration at the situation because I don’t know which to address first? Scold hubby, comfort him or pull the baby away from him (but I’m equally tired after caring for baby the whole day).

I just don’t understand why people like to play with babies. They are not playthings, really. Probably explains why I hardly carry anyone else’s baby (even when they offer it to me). Well, plus that fact that I don’t quite have maternity instincts. Well, I have heard people tell me that they don’t want to carry the baby cos it’s not good and hard to teach, but look.. Nobody is doing what they are all preaching. Except me. But it doesn’t work that way, everyone plays a part and I become the minority and it is not effective anymore.

Enuff ranting. I have been on a mission to take a passport photo for Jerry and it has been my utmost priority to get it done soon but it’s sooooo hard! How do you actually take a picture of a newborn who hardly has his eyes open (sleeping most of the time), cannot stay still, wandering eyes etc. After many many attempts and tries, der & me finally got this.

It’s not perfect, but it’s the best we have got.. And I applied for a passport for him yesterday! Hopefully, the photo don’t get rejected. I need to get that passport done up soon, travelling next month to my grandpa’s for his 96th birthday and of cos, his first great grand son must turn up right? Actually, my son looks quite different here, der combed his hair to the side and his mouth is in a semi pout. Heh. His clothes were in a mess because he was struggling non stop and we had to digitally remove my hands that were holding his head in place!

Oh, I also need to jot down that jerry’s umbilical cord dropped off on day 4, way before the 2 weeks which is the usual period where it would drop (which also explains why you don’t see it in any of the shoot poses posted earlier).

Mum & me also tried to measure his height earlier this evening and it seems he has grown 3cm taller? Not sure if it’s accurate though..

Ok. Better crash. Have to wake early to relieve my mum so that she can do her wet marketing at 630am tomorrow morning. Argh. Dreading the milk production business later tonight. I just wanna sleep through the night, can?

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