meanwhile, i think all those little naps that i have taken during mid day.. and all those nights that my mum relieved me from taking care of the baby has been pushing the baby AWAY from me!

der and me found out yesterday that… only my mum can soothe Jerry! when he fusses and we tried to soothe him, he gets from irritated to major rage, howling the house down and nothing, nothing that we do can soothe him.

then comes my mum. she just plonks the baby on her chest (koala position) and the baby goes quiet within seconds. how can that be?!

and now, i am beginning to think – has my mum been carrying jerry more often that i have seen her doing it? (yeah, she’s one of those that preaches “not to carry the baby so much” but didn’t hold her end of the promise) it just doesn’t make sense that while i have been the ‘main care-giver’, my baby rejects me!

i’m not sure if i’m happy with the rejection at this point in time. seems convenient because then every time the baby cries, i can just pass it over to my mum to soothe, but then again, will it affect the bond that i have with the baby since i am not latching him at all? sigh. woes of a confused mother. confused because i cannot decide if i should put my own priorities first (sleep, rest, recuperate from wounds etc) or put baby’s priorities first (bonding, caring for baby etc).

i went to the doc’s today. i spent the whole dawn and morning feeling dizzy and almost fell a couple of times. it was worrying and i was wondering if i am having low blood pressure or that the lack of sleep is doing me in, and i keep getting random sharp pains in the chest (where the heart is). on top of it, i wanted to get that darn cough outta the way and the occasional flu that results in the nose dripping. turns out, the blood pressure is very healthy and i’m sent home with meds for the dizziness, cough and flu. the episiotomy wound is also itching like hell from the recovery and the nether regions is also itcy! i am suspecting an yeast infection since i am rather prone to it, consulted the doc but he says its best to get the gynae to look at it in case there are other complications. looks like i gotta pop by the gynae tomorrow for that.

with regards to my milk production, i have been fretting over the lack of milk bags and the lack of storage space. in just a couple of days/a week, my freezer has been filling up steadily and my milk bottles are also depleting like mad (with 8 bottles in the chiller at any one time). i’m averaging 1.4L of milk every day and jerry only drinks 500-600ml, so it’s 6 milk bags into the freezer daily! i am starting to wonder if its too much milk and if it would ever ever deplete!

am on the lookout for a small freezer. am kinda keen on this. checked the forums today and there isnt any suitable ones. only saw a chest freezer on sale, but i prefer an upright one since it’s easier to pack/clean/use. besides, my house has another chest freezer that my mum is using for her foodstuff and i hardly see her dig to the bottom because it’s just too hard to get stuff from there!

//

i wrote the above in the evening and got too busy with dinner, diaper changing, catching up with hubby, prepping milk and all.. and guess what?! i managed to soothe the baby to sleep earlier without my mum and der is going to be on duty tonight to take care of baby.

and moments before he drifted off to sleep.. he went.. hey, i just realised that he (referring to jerry) makes a lot noise in his sleep!.

well, i told him that last week so now, he finally believes me. and yeah, like father, like son.

good night, am crashing now. how do all new mothers deal with intermittent sleep?! dreading the pump in another 3 hours time.



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