its been an emotional morning.

it’s a dread coming to work after spring cleaning my room yesterday. i am so friggin’ tired and i didnt sleep well last night either. and shucks! i didnt do my homework for jap class tonight again! *sigh*

the room packing drained all my energy yesterday. i broke 3 of my nails even though i snipped them 50% shorter the day before. and, im not even 15% done. looks like i have to do a whole lot more of dumping and go through the old stuff. it’s kinda nostalgic when i come across old movie tickets stubs, and pictures of my boy when he was still in the army. and letters that i wrote, but never sent. i came across a nike top that i hardly worn, but used to be precious to me. for years, i kept that tee in the cupboard even tho i never wore it.

yesterday, i looked at the tee, felt odd abt keeping it after all these years and finally threw it into the box where all the old clothes are going. There! be gone from my life! hee.

and oh. back to the emo morning that i had. i tendered my resignation on saturday. my boss didnt come it before i left, so i left the letter on her desk. the moment she came in this morning, she requested to talk to me.

and i tell you.. i dunno why, my tears just flowed. its quite a hard decision to leave a place where u somehow like some of the colleagues very much and am comfortable in. however, i find the lady boss is quite nice to me too. but i cannot justify the frustration that i feel in the scope of my work, the inefficiencies that the boss knows abt herself, the criticism from others leading from it as well as feeling stuck in a rut where my learning capability is limited and i feel like im wasting away my life. and of cos, the long hours, the tiredness, the bad benefits package and the unsatisfying feeling of working.

she asked for the reason. she assured me that my job is not jeopardised even if i have a new manager in the office. even i made mistakes in the brochures. she tried to ask me to stay, despite her observation that my work attitude is going downhill. she offered me a change in job scope. she asked if im willing to try doing other stuff. she even offer to re-look in my remuneration package.

amidst my tears, i told her i’ve made up my mind. i want to be exposed to other industries and maybe try things out in a bigger company. i want to learn new things and not stay here to be a mostly administrative staff. i really appreciate her kindness to talk to me nicely and even attempt to keep me. and i even feel bad that im leaving her despite her kindness.

it was another hard attempt to break the news to my colleagues. i couldnt stop my tears from flowing. oh my, im such an emo freak today.

and yes, my eyes are swollen. im lost about what i am supposed to do, and i havent done anything other than msn and blog today.