i dont know what to describe my feelings now. sad i guess.

the visit to the specialist at mt avernia left me $84 bucks poorer. but that’s not the worst thing that happened. turns out, it’s bad news. the torn ligament is not going to heal by itself, and that i would have to go through surgery to repair the ligament, else i can always walk with a limp for the rest of my life and daily activities like squatting and running after the bus would be quite an impossible feat.

anterior cruciate ligament is torn. more information here and i’ll have to go for the operative treatment, meaning my hamstring muscle will be used for the corrective procedure.

even though im trying to be strong, it scared the shit outta me. really. tears just prick my eyes before i can control them…

it’s sad news and im fighting off tears and trying to kid myself that it’s gonna be alright. and i decided that i would want to go for the surgery no matter what.

i mean, i dont think i can live without swimming, wakeboarding, running, cycling, blading for the rest of my life, not to mention, chasing after the bus!

and so, the other sad news is, i have to go for a MRI scan tomorrow morning at 8am. and that’s gonna cost me 500+. not inclusive of the surgery yet.

and i dont have insurance.

it’s definitely bad news for (unemployed) me.

im not as upset now cos wendy made me laugh with one of her sms and called me up and loosen me up loads. thanks girl, you really made an impact on me today.

a chat with pei also made me feel loads better. and its good that ant decided to meet me and crash in on the dinner date that i had with angela. i had loads of laughter and it really made me forget abt the surgery and $$ issue at the back of my head.

i’m just glad that i dont have to face it alone for the rest of the night so that my mind wont run wild.

met shannon and moses at the wake. another round of laughter over the old school stories, as usual. i know its not a place for laughing, but moses cracked all of us up with his G gap theory with the 18 year olds. and it was kinda funny with 6 people ranging from 18 to 28, all graduated from the same school, gossiping about the teachers.

thanks to them all, i passed the nite without worrying much. but now.. i think i need to face reality.