because there is a need to.

I realised what i really really missed lately was blogging via my laptop. ever since jerry has started watching the youtube vids on my macbook (i try to keep to those educational ones), i have lost control and usage of it totally. and those are the only pockets of time i really have to spare for blogging. Blogging via the phone is quite frustrating to type (and painfully slow) and i often lose the draft entry when the app crashes (argh!). not to mention that the pictures sizes uploaded are all weird and sometimes crappy (when my image settings miraculously got resetted to default). i got really desperate today so i pulled out my dusty work laptop to type this entry.

I have so much that i wanted to say, so many events that i wanted to blog about (birthday dinner celebration for jen in jan, the many dinner dates that i went on, poulet dinner with the husb last week, weddings) and small little (and sometimes, funny) incidents that i wanted to remember of. these days, i have mostly instagrammed them instead because its the fastest, no fuss way to remember what i want to remember. even then, i still have loads that i didnt managed to document and i do want my blog to house everything instead so that i can be the future bible to my life. i guess that’s how life is with 2 kids. You barely have time for anything else, so something has to go. by the way, do follow me on instagram (@cherieladie) if you havent!

so, disclaimer – this post is gonna be a jumble of random thoughts. do pardon me! you are also free to close that window now. i wont blame you.

the husband jetted off again some hours back, so im back to solo-parenting again for the rest of the week. Have been really stressed out lately with the 2 kids (its really NOT EASY) and the husband constantly away (darn you, reservist). i am really quite spent physically (super lack of sleep) and mentally (managing a toddler who demands your attention every single minute is a tough job) and concurrently, fighting against a virus as well. The kids are down 2 weeks ago but are on the mend. I have been down as well from caring for them but still quite sick unfortunately because i didnt have the time to go visit the doc yet.

jerry has been getting harder to deal with because he has so many tricks up his sleeves suddenly. Like how he refused to wear his pjs today, and he started to choose the clothes that he wants to wear. man, he is getting opinionated about his choices and its definitely not good news to me. he also doesnt really want to wear the diapers too. urghhhhhh! he is also getting very vocal and actually know a lot of words that i have no idea where/who/how he picked them up. Like he was telling me “teng, teng” the other day and i was totally clueless before he asked me to carry him and he pointed the way and then suddenly leaped out of my hands to grab the switch. he meant the light (deng) in mandarin. he also goes “kee..kee..” (key) when he wants to open the door. there are a whole lot of vocabulary that he has but its too much for me to remember and jot them all down here. he has also started to negotiate and test boundaries (oh my!) all the time.

i know i should try to enjoy him as much as i can now (especially since im on maternity leave) because he is growing up so fast! i also managed to lock down a slot in a childcare centre and he will be starting in may. that’s slightly over a month’s time! Enrollment is next week and its gonna be my 2nd appointment to submit all the necessary documents. Phew! i was so so worried that he can’t get a slot even though i put him on waitlist since last year. ok. i actually literally bugged the centre supervisor constantly and begged her for a slot. I would be at a loss and very likely have to take leave off work till he gets a slot so i am very, very, very thankful that i managed to get one slot in the nick of time (i am supposed to return to work in may).

speaking about heading back to work. i am well aware that the time is passing really fast for this maternity leave. I remembered i used to head out quite a bit in the past when i first had jerry and even did a 2 weeks’ trip to the united states and had loads of fun. This time round, it’s been almost 2 months and i have been really really cooped up at home all the time and not going places at all. the furthest i go on weekdays is the neighbourhood mall that’s 8 mins walk away. its pathetic. the only other 2 times i ventured out was to meet the Lj mummies at united square and bishan to meet . super “adventurous”, i know. so much so i asked the husband the other day if he could bring me out for a nice dinner and some shopping. he came home early that night and that 4 short hr (with only 1 kid) is BLISS. the original plan to travel to the states again is kinda outta the window because the husband couldn’t go on leave at all (cursing the reservist again). i can still go by myself but i need to lug one kid with me and i’m not sure if i can survive the near 24 hours flight (+ transit) to seattle all alone. and i still need to express milk so who is going to care for jerry while i’m at it in the lavatory? just thinking about it is a logistical nightmare. ok. i think my guts just out of the window. i could lug jerome there instead which would be much easier, but i do not have the heart to subject him to a such a long flight at such a tender age, and besides, he wouldn’t know anything at all so its really quite pointless. Besides all these, the husband also declared that we shouldn’t be doing any travels at all for the rest of the year because of the upcoming house (oh the renovation costs! and the furnishings! and the appliances!) and the accompanying utilities bills, jerry’s childcare fees, jerome’s insurance, additional diapers costs, yada yada.. adult life is soooooo tough. i want to go back to be a carefree student please! just saying.

jerome is really the neglected 2nd child for now as i pay more attention to jerry to prevent him from getting jealous. i’m really sorry about it and i wish i could divide my days equally between the 2 of them. I hope he can understand where i am coming from if he read my journal one day when he grows older. he’s really quite different from jerry though. when jerry was a baby, he isnt much a drinker and is rather skinny/underweight all the time (at 5-10th percentile). jerome on the other hand, is the greedy baby and is already drinking as much milk as jerry does now even though there is a 20 months gap between them! He is currently hovering around the 75th percentile and will be taking his vaccinations this weekend.

Have been thinking about my life lately. while a lot of friends have progressed greatly in their careers and have switched jobs several times and doing really well… i have been at the same place for eons and is pretty ‘stuck’. everyone tells me that my achievement is (1) being married (2) having 2 kids. I guess i really have a lot to be thankful for. i do realise that the husband is very sweet at times, and he really tries and make an effort to make my life easier. He also tries his best (always) to make me happy within his means and is always willing to go with my plans (and friends) without a single complain. I think its really a sacrifice on his part. I havent seen his friends for so long! I also realised that he is the perfect daddy this time round, often waking to check on baby and feeding him before i do. i think having experince helps! he is also more willing to do outdoor activities with jerry now which is something that i really miss about our lifestyle. I’m so the outdoorsy, adventure type and my blades are rusty i think they are ready to go into the bins. the blading and wakeboarding days are way beyond me now.

the husband also told me a story that he read on facebook the other day. about a son flaring up at his dad for repeating his questions 4 times and having him answering the same question for 4 times. well, the dad forked out an old diary and showed his son his journal entry where his son asked him the same question more than 20 times in a day and he patiently answered them all the time so his son will learn and understand. i think the husband is trying to encourage me (and maybe himself) that we all need to be a little more patient with our son and not flare up easily (oh, we both are sooooo guilty of this). I really need to keep this story in mind the next time i find myself raising my voice or my hand to smack the kid. patience. patience is key. a timely reminder for the trying days that i experience so often lately.

on the house front, i guess things are a little slow but progressing! hdb is changing out the main door for us because we spotted some dents in it. we just nailed out the ID and confirmed the quotation (after many rounds and a month in between) and we should be expecting the drawings by next week! we would be taking out a renovation loan to ease the finances and my task for the next few days is to do some research and enquires on them. if you have any tips to share (what bank offer the best rates etc), do share! I’ll be most thankful. We both predict that the house would likely be ready in mid/end may but we are doing minimal stuff so im hoping it can be ready earlier and i can make use of my maternity leave to do the move. mega excited! life for us this year is filled with loads of changes! new baby, new house, new lifestyle (in the new house) together.

looking forward to it. really thankful for how life has panned out for me thus far.

and there. my super long entry of ramblings. I actually did a quick word count and there is about 1800+ words above. i guess this satisfy about a quarter of my daily quota