a train of random thoughts

i realized that i think/reflect only when i’m traveling (in buses, in trains, walking home).. and i realized that i also think a lot when im jogging.

if there’s one thing that i can pin point on why i am always feeling inadequate/low self esteem is that i think i am not intelligent enough. i always have the feeling that everyone else seemed to be smarter. 🙁

i am definitely growing fatter. everyone i meet these day tells me that im growing sideways, and a colleague told me yesterday that i looked chubby and he wanted to pinch my cheeks. omg, that kinda freaked me out. this morning, i stepped on the weighing scale and it’s 51!!! needless to say, i came home early today and went jogging. i need to slim down.

i am very fat by my own standards, i cannot stand the fact that every time i sit down, the layers of flabs appear at my tummy. talking about fat, i actually hate being chided for saying that i’m fat because someone else is fatter than i am. doesn’t mean that i’m petite in size and the fact that i looked toned, i am. i am not, and who would know my body better than myself? and seriously, if one is fat, then u should do something about it.. not whine and expect something to happen.. there is no fat women in the world, only lazy women. if the fattest man on can lose half his weight, everyone else can!

seriously, i am really inspired by his determination.

the rounds at the park earlier.. i haven’t been using the nano for runs for a long time since my brother always hog it.. so i saw it lying around last weekend and took it for a run today. played my usual running playlist and i couldn’t help it but smile. so happens that the song that derrick composed is playing. haven’t heard it playing for a while, and it made me think about the past and all… gawd, i suddenly miss him so much.

this week, i am also determined to get home before 8.30pm. so far so good. i enjoy the feeling of stepping out before the sky gets dark.

hmm.. feeling a little sleepy already.. can you believe it? i actually slept at before 11pm last night.

and guess what? i have been snipping my own fringe for the last 6 months!

ok. like i said, totally random.