run…go run..

do you some times find yourself running a lot, trying to catch up with life.. and yet in a strange way.. when you thought you have moved on, exhausted all your energy and gone far, you look up only to find yourself in the same old spot. as if you have been on a treadmill all this while.

for me, i am still stuck with the same situation staring at me, feeling a sense of loss.

deep breaths help calm my mind, and gives me a split second of instant peace. slows my heartbeat by a fraction of a sec.

i wish i could know more. i wish i know what i could do.

i no longer laugh as much. i think i am not happy. i don’t live my life the way i want.

i want to pack a luggage and go away. to sit at the corners of the earth, soaking in the beauty of mother nature. driving down long winding roads at the countryside, and just staring up at the deep blue sky.

for now, i could just dream.

but no matter where i am, where i go, the same old thing tugs at my heart. the same thing matters. i am still me. i am still who i think i am.

how can i untie that knot? where do i find the answers? where is happiness?

am i already happy without knowing? why doesn’t it feels that way? i am having a mental blockage.

just finished reading sophie kinsella’s latest book – remember me?. if only i could have a bump on my head and have selective memory loss. go away, unhappiness! just go!

now. where is that bottle of wine?