taking 2 steps backwards

do you sometimes feel that you are taking backward steps in your life as you progress on? i have been feeling a lot of that these days. it’s funny, because it feels like i don’t have a hold over my life, and that something seems to be missing.

am reading the book “moving forward” by dave pelzer. it is a book that teaches the readers on how to harness the strength of surviving past negative experiences and lift themselves up to move forward and change their life (for the better of cos).

i have just started on the first chapter and it talks about “resolve”. resolve helps people move forward. as i read, i also pondered about my past.. and funnily enough, in the past i had a lot of resolve, and determination. in achieving this and that. going for yoga classes, badminton once a week, japanese class twice a week and all that..planning on living my life to the max, even if it’s all by myself. but now, it seems that i have lost it in me to do anything. or maybe it all has to go with goal setting.

even in terms of socializing, i think i have taken many steps backwards. it’s funny cos when i was at the wine company the other day, i thought about how often i used to frequent that place, how often i go out for dinners in the past, and how much of a hermit crab i am these days, just happy to be holing up at home.

i used to have a vision of where i wanted to be in the past, somehow, that was lost in the mist of things, work got hectic and then i never really put any more thought about where i am going to move forward, what i wanted in the future for myself anymore.

i think it’s easy for one to procrastinate on what the future entails, because the future is not so near yet… but having that vision is ultimately what drives you there, isn’t it?

i have been toying with the idea of taking classes these days. i want to improve on my english or rather, writing skills. just for the fun of it because that is where i feel i am lacking.

and then, while i am (still) on MC today, i shall take some time and ponder about who i want to be ultimately and where i am going to be. it shouldn’t be that tough right?