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so it is.
a sms. it has grown formal. and so, that is it. there is no looking back.. even though i already know.. but why am i so distressed reading it? i am human. i have feelings. i guess i still cannot throw the history away. not all. not yet, but hopefully soon.
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Protected: the question mark
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Protected: the longing feeling
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Protected: question
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Protected: numb
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the email
i looked at the very long email that i typed one month ago, but not sent. so much truth in there, but i never had the courage to spill it out. i added a few more paragraphs to it. the feelings that i have accumulated over in the last month. glancing at it once more. i clicked… the save button. i don’t know the consequences of sending it. i do not want to try. chicken is me. some other day, maybe.
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Protected: the call
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A scare.
Am at one of my stores. Saw someone with a side profile so similar to wei. A much skinner version of wei. As much as the love songs don’t hurt that much anymore. As much as the pain of seeing his stuff in my room have subsided. I am still very much affected by anyone that looks remotely like him. I’m telling myself, it’s ok. It’s normal. I am just humane. I can’t hide my feelings in a box and keep them away. I just have to slowly slowly deal with it, and someday… It’s gonna be ok. The fake wei just turned his head and looked at me. -_-”…
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Subconscious mind
The other day, i had a strange dream. S appeared in my dream. S is this girl that was my primary school classmate, stayed in e block opposite me, went to the same secondary school with me, and was in e same eca for 4 years. We were good friends throughout and somehow, during my last year.. A first aid competition that we were in kinda created some conflict. I don’t know how e conflict arose, cos we were team mates, but some time during our training, her role was replaced by e reserve team member and she became e reserve instead. So, things went downhill and when i graduated…
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question
yesterday, jen asked me. forget everything about the caring and sweet part. is there anything else that you like about him? i thought about that on the bus today. i couldn’t come to a conclusion. and then i thought about wei. i liked him for his strong analytical skills, his wisdom and how he is always the pillar of support. maybe that’s why i could hold on for so long. how interesting. 🙂
