am boiling mad.
i think my son is drunk on milk. i really had enough of my mum stuffing milk into my son’s mouth ALL THE TIME.
she is doing what, hourly feeds?! and she does it quietly without letting me know even though i am in the same house. just because i am in my own room and not in the sight of the baby all the time.
and now, the damn baby is cranky the entire afternoon and refuses to be soothed and i don’t know what is wrong because my schedule/routine is all messed up by my damn mother. her words changes every damn day and i really had it up my neck with her on the things she said.
and her feeds are like 20ml, 40ml every other hour! if i am the baby, of cos i’ll be damn cranky, giving me a bit of my milk that doesnt make me full enough to go sleep and then leave me to cry my lungs out and then feed another 20ml. wtf. and guess who is the one that tells me and hubby not to give out small portions of the feed initially? (we did that at the start because we have no idea what is the actual amount of milk the baby should take, and when the milk’s finished and the baby is still looking like he needs more – sticking out of tongue, turning his head around).. but now that we have established the qty, we have since stopped doing that. and see who doesn’t do what she preaches now?
i haven’t gone into the bit where i told her not to feed water to jerry and she obviously did it BEHIND MY BACK because i am the observant daughter and she is the mother that doesn’t clean up her act. she left a small little cup (hardly used in my household cos everyone drinks from huge metal tins) with a tiny teaspoon, half filled with water at the sink. i decided not to expose her but she’s really makes me fume today.
The thing is, parents send their kids to the schools to acquire knowledge and when i do and tell her the things that i know, read about or learn about from others, she DOES NOT BELIEVE ME (her educated daughter) and doesnt heed the doctor’s advise. oh, you mean you are like smarter than the doctor is it? i am not trying to be mean but its like, going to the doc and not believing the doctor, so what’s the point in doing it? waste of money (same case for both education and seeing the doc!). same thing with the heat rashes. told her umpteen times that the heat rashes are caused by the heat in the living room and not to let Jerry sleep on the mat/sofa in the living room, but everyday, the same damn thing is still happening. I only carry the baby out when there are times i cannot take care of the baby (expressing milk, going to the toilet, bathing) but it doesnt mean that the baby has to stay out there the whole day. she always put the baby to sleep outside even tho i have told her otherwise. if there is any where the baby should be, it is in the cot.
i also had had enough of her presuming assumptions. like how the baby cried in the night because of a wet diaper, and before i could even change the diaper of the baby, my mum storms into my room and say.. “YOUR ROOM TOO COLD FOR BABY LAH, LET HIM SLEEP OUTSIDE!!!”. well, with the wet diaper out of the way, my baby happily went back to sleep (so i am right and she is wrong).
like wtf seriously. if she can read the mind of Jerry, she don’t have to resort to dunking him with milk all the time. smart alec. go, tell me what’s wrong when the baby’s crying then!
guess what? i kinda envy the husband actually. he has at least 10-12 hrs of time out and away from the baby and my neurotic mum. it’s really a pain in the arse to be confined with her for so many hours of the day, and no wonder my brother always stay in his room when he is at room. its too hard to get along with her, especially on a 24/7 basis. i know its harsh to say this as a daughter, but if i am saying it, i really mean it.
she also annoys me daily because she likes to gossip with other people, about me. telling my aunts/uncles (yes, i know if you are reading this) about my parenting style, about what i say cannot drink water (yes, yes, i am the ignorant one and she is the smart one.. i should make a status and worship her), the clothes that i buy, the amount of times i bathe, and about whatever that i said and she is unhappy about. she doesnt know that her daughter has sharp ears too. just because i pretend not to hear and act nonchalant, it does not mean that i do not know. seriously, i just cannot be bothered to kick up any more fuss because it will just trigger a nervous breakdown on my end and i’ll probably sink into post-natal depression.
the only thing that’s maintaining my sanity right now is my blog. it’s the only outlet i have because i think the husband also have his neck up with his work, fatigue and the baby’s cries (and of cos, some nonsense from my mum too).
gawd, i just wish i have the strength to look after the baby 24/7 and not feel so tired just so to reduce the amount of conflict i will have with my mum.
in health wise, i think i have developed a really bad backache (from bending down to pick up Jerry from the living room sofa – another pt why i hate having him there) and aching wrists on both hands from the weight that i have been subjecting them to (carry jerry and trying to wrestle his struggles).
sigh.
someone out there, please bless me. i really need it for the next 2 months.
Cherie
Hi there! Thanks for popping by. I'm Cherie, a ftwm (full-time working mum) to 3 lovely kids (2 boys & a princess) and my motto in life is to BE HAPPY. Sure, life isn't all that smooth but it's the mentality that counts, no? This blog documents my life. Or rather, snippets of my life that has passed me by. I love capturing life memories in the blog and being able to read back and laugh at myself (or anyone). I love to eat (A LOT), travel and paint my own nails so the blog is mostly about that. Is that considered lifestyle? Of cos, the family is also very much an integral part of me so there would be loads of memories about the husband and my kids - Jerry (9yo), Jerome (7yo) and Leia (2.5yo) and everyone else that's close to me. I like documenting the kids' milestones, their growing up years, their achievements (and sometimes, mine), and my struggles and battles with motherhood. It sure ain't easy. I love seeking out good food and travelling, is trigger-happy, love new gadgets, love exploring new places and strives to live life to the fullest. I aspire to travel the world as much as I can, to soak in the different sights across the various continents and visit all the Disneylands in the world (almost there!). Have fun reading and do drop me a comment to say hi! Love, Cherie Lim Find me on Instagram.
13 Comments
distractedfish
The whole obsession that the older generation has with the baby drinking water really drives me crazy! It’s so straight forward: if he drinks water, he will feel full and drink less milk and thus get less nutrition! DUH!
cherieladieblogs
yeah. its damnn annoying. my mum likes to seek alliance (tell tales to my aunt and then get some confirmity on that end) and then come tell me, see? i told you so.
sounds unfilial but there are times where i wanted to retort – wah, so smart.. can go be doctor liao lor!
Anonymous
A word of encouragement
Hi Cherie,
I totally, totally understand your frustration! I was a new mum once and I ranted over similar stuff as well. The thing is the old folks have a totally different set of thinking from us, and they will usually think that they are correct becos of how we are now – “See, I did such a good job bringing u up right?” kind of mentality.
For my firstborn, whenever my son cried, my ILs will automatically assume that he was hungry, and it made me felt so useless like I was never giving him enough breast milk. My MIL’s sis largee better, she once said in my face “you no milk ah?” and touched on a very raw point that I would never forget till this day. Like your mum, mine kept telling me to feed my bb water as milk is heaty to the bb. The bb MUST have be covered up, esp the tummy, otherwise “wind” will go in via the belly button. These are all things that the older generation believe staunchly in. And I also go – what nonsence?!!!
So, take it one step at a time to try to convince them otherwise. Starting with the baby, explain to them that there are many reasons why a bb cry other than hunger. Try feeding only after you have done everything else and he is not soothed. The experts say that you will gradually be able to differentiate from the bb’s cry what the source of crying is, but for me, you will kinda get it by looking at the clock. If bb’s been awake for a straight 2 hrs, he is probably sleepy (for a newborn) and cranky cos he wants to sleep but ain’t sure how to fall asleep on his own. If it’s been 3-4 hrs without a feed, maybe hungry. Sometimes bb can also be colicky (try gripe water) or simply wants a cuddle (hug him).
As for the water bit, maybe you can bring your mum along for the next visit to the PD, and pose this question to the PD deliberately infront of your mum?
Sorry for the long-winded email, am definitely not trying to pose as an expert here, but just sharing my experiences.
When I was most exasperated during those eary days of my motherhood, I was also fortunate to have experienced mums encouraging me, and it really helped.
As the bb grows, you will get to be more familiar with his pattern and adapt accordingly, and it won’t be as tough as now.
Cheers,
Seow Ying
cherieladieblogs
Re: A word of encouragement
why didnt you log on in LJ? anyway, my mother also pulled the stunt on me about not having enough milk the day i came home, made me miserable and i ended up sobbing. now that my milk supply is abundant (since i express), she just feed the baby non stop!
i actually told her that only formula fed babies need water and breastfed don’t need, but i guess its hard to get in grilled into their heads, even tho i said..”doc say one”. anyway, my mum also cannot stand the baby having hiccups, so feed also when the baby has hiccups!! *faint*
i sorta managed to grapple the routine that son has and can sorta guess what’s gonna happen, but when my mum takes over.. she screws everything up and i end up being clueless! mad irritating.
but then again, its a phase.. i’m sure things will be better when he grows older and when my mum sees the benefits of my routine.
thanks for the encouragement! sure helped and no.. its not long-winded at all! there are many like you that came forward with their advice and it makes me feel better knowing that my struggles are rather common among new mothers.
thank you and you know what? your kids has really grown since i last met them!! (was it at ju’s son derric party or something?)
jzlyn
The water thing us mostly because during our generation most of us were formula fed and need to be given water. For BF babies, BM gas high water content so dont need to give water – too much water is not good for the baby either.
That said, Clover’s very lousy, very local (Hongkie) PD which we have since binned, kept recommending I feed her water even though she’s 100% BF. His answer to everything wad colic, solution was water, suggestion was supplement with FM. Useless @rse I tell you! Doctor so? We heeded none of his advice and medically Clover is fine. No one else I saw ever told me to feed her water!
cherieladieblogs
yeah, told my mum about the water and formula fed but its hard to get it into her head. argh!
wah! clover’s PD really is crap! must be a damn cheena guy. is he old? like the older generation kind?
jzlyn
Nope he’s probably in his 30s. Not very pro-BFding. I was freaking annoyed from the start, but because he was there from her birth and the first injections, we thought it’d be better to stay with him. But we decided enough is enough, he makes me anxious and I hate it. Now we are seeing a lovely GP in Discovery Bay (our new place), more convenient and I have another PD in case we need expert advice.
jzlyn
Anyway to add, my mom kept wanting to feed her water and kept saying is she hungry until I told her off and said DONT EVER ask me if she is hungry again. If I ever have a 2nd, I am NOT doing confinement, just gonna ask my mom to cook food for me, nothing else.
cherieladieblogs
at this time and age, i cannot believe there are people who are not pro-bfing. if i were u, i’ll swap him too! and your mum is EXACTLY like my mum!! OMG. my mum is worse, at least ur mum ask you, my mum just shove the milk into his mouth quietly!! sigh, mums! they sure create loads of problems for us.. generation gap!
at this pt in time, i am deliberating even to have a second cos its too daunting and tiring.. but the bio clock is ticking away.. i dont really have much time left.. sigh.
ourperfectgift
I am dreading my upcoming confinement too, having to be stucked in the house with whoever decides to visit or ‘help’ at their whim and fancy! 1 month,please be over quickly
cherieladieblogs
are you doing the confinement within your own house or with your mum/in-laws?
about ur in-laws issues (its common!) and people do talk about them (but in locked posts). heh. not sure what issues you have but hang in there.
just enjoy whatever moments you have now before the baby’s arrival, you’ll miss it real soon! 🙂
good luck on your delivery! when is your EDD?
zazoom
Bring your mum to see the PD and get the PD to reassure her that. Argh I know abt the feeding water part. worst Claire is on semi-bm-formula then and i was nagged to give water but i told them that nowadays formula not as heaty liao.
And i told them see her poo not hard so not constipation! Cos one of the reason for feeding water is they said no drink water later baby get heaty :p
cherieladieblogs
i think these old folks are really rubbish. well, the stuff we all eat during confinement is heaty too what.. and it gets passed down to the baby in the BM.. so what nonsense?
my mum largi better, the moment my son pees (has a wet diaper), she goes.. “see? pee out already, must drink milk liao”