neglect

ok. this blog space is officially neglected. time has been really precious these days that i hardly sit in front of the computer anymore. each time i get home, i slip into dreamland before i can check of some off the items on my to-do list.

in some ways, i find life quite fulfilling. each day is packed and there’s always a purpose. a something to look forward to. no days of aimless tomorrow, wondering what i can do and where i can go. in other ways, i think it’s a little straining to my physical health, as in the constant lack of sleep, my bad-to-worse skin, and the lack of concentration.

i pondered over many things on the train home from jap class today. my jap teacher has repeatedly snide me about me not revising my work (he could tell i didnt do it cos i was getting from one of the better students to the worst in the class). sometimes, i really wish i had the time to discipline myself and study. it’s a matter of setting my priorities right and time management right?

i think it should be right. but then again, WRONG.

at least it wrong in my context. there are so many things i want to accomplish, yet, it seems impossible. trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle, attending classes, personal grooming, room chores, toilet chores, keeping abreast with the latest music/songs/news/fashion/movies, keeping in constant contact with your peers/family, spend quality time with wei and fuel my love for reading and spend time blogging. that is so hard. realise i never mention tv? how it is possible to juggle time when work takes up at least 10 hours on most work days?

i know i shouldnt complain, there are people out there who are much worse than me with part time studies spanning over 3-4 days a week. i just thought it’s our society that’s hard to live it. it’s so pressuring.. like i feel i should always keep learning. not only for the fact that i do enjoy learning, but its a requirement to be constantly “updated”.

sometimes, i find personal grooming a chore. but looks are important. they are the first things people notice about you. why is it so? i kinda miss the days when i don a nike tee, berms, my worn out running shoes, my plain face and a cheerful girl totally oblivious to how the world views me.

i have changed so much. i grew insecure. i keep thinking i dress inadequately. i feel inadequate. my hair’s inadequate, my teeth’s inadequate, so are my legs, and my flabby arms and thighs. has the society finally affected me? or has it always been like that, but i was living in a world of my own in the past?

hmm.. pardon my ranting. just some musing thoughts that i’ll never get answers to.