you melted my heart

last sat is prob. the last time i will ever see pearlyn again. in this office at least.

when she was here, she headed straight for my desk to chat with me, spending almost 95% of her time beside me before we had to head downstairs for the buffet. i gave her the presents that we bought. she was happily tearing away the wrapper and checking the items inside with glee.

moments after the surprise of the presents wore off, she stood beside me and held my hand, looking intently at me.

p: cherie ah, i heard from my mum you quit your job.
c: ya.
p: why you want to leave? my mum say u work ok what? why leave?
c: *speechless for a while* (not knowing how to answer her..) oh, i lazy. i want to go holiday.
p: where are you going?
c: america
p: when you come back from holiday, will you come back here and work?
c: no. i dont think so.

** a minute later **

p: (hold my hand again) cherie, i dont bear to let you leave. can you dont leave?
c: …. (silence) (change topic by asking abt some cartoon)
p: (pulls my hand in the direction of her mum’s office) why dont you go tell my mother now that u wanna stay and continue working?
p: quick quick. go now. (points to the door)

*awwwwww* i tell you, i really dont have the heart to tell her that i wont be coming back, ever (at least in the near future) and that she prob. wont see me again. outta the birthday loot she got from us, she gave me 1 pink pencil from a box we bought (knowing that my favourite color is pink), got me to choose 1 sticker per page from this sticker book we got her, and gave them all to give me as gifts. and 2 other big pieces of stickers for me, brought from home. its really heartwarming and i feel so ashamed that i used to so hate her when she first came. now, she’s a sweet little angel and listens to us and isnt really naughty, really.

she was just really seeking our attention when she first came. and she’s not afraid to show disdain to people whom she doesnt like. unfortunately, some of my colleagues are those.

today, at 10.50am, i got a call from a foreign number. answered the call and its her. the same conversation from last sat is being replayed. she doesnt want me to leave. keeps asking me when she will see me again. i dont know and i seriously doubt that i will see her again, but i just cant bring myself to tell her. i told her next time i go out with the rest of the colleagues, i will ask her mum and see if we can bring her along.

and throughout the whole conversation that lasted 20 mins, she kept asking..

“cherie, is there anything else that you want to tell me?”

i didnt get the hint. i was too busy multi-tasking abt my work. until she said, “cherie, today is my birthday eh.”

i mouthed immediately,”f*cked!”. why am i so stupid. i actually forgot its her birthday!! i hope i didnt break her heart. i wished her happy birthday, told her to be a nice kid, must study hard, be a good girl and be nice to grandma and be more understanding to her mummy. she told me her mum is buying her a cake. and that they were going to OG to buy presents on sat. and that she will leave me a present on my desk on sunday, for me to collect on monday when im back in the office.

so sweet rite? i feel so bloody ashamed lor. i took down her address and telephone number and made up my mind that im gonna send her a postcard from the states. someone please remind me if i forget!