I’m wrong. So so wrong.
So I got it all wrong.
I don’t know if I ever mentioned this before. . But jerry has got this really irritating habit when he sleeps. He likes to climb on top of me, my legs, my butt and just wedge himself at any corner or nook that he can find between my body/arms/legs and all if he is co-sleeping with me.
It’s bloody irritating to me because I cannot sleep with him pressing down on me! At all!
He hasn’t been co-sleeping much with me now that we are staying in our own place, but I sometimes find him on my bed in the mornings. He wakes in the middle of the night and somehow finds himself into our bedroom (and closes the door behind him), climbs onto our bed and wedge himself between the husband and me.
Anyway… last night.. I realised I got it all wrong. All all wrong.
As usual, Jerome goes to bed without much of a fuss and the husband has been feeling under the weather and requested to sleep early and I let him be. I decided to spend some time with Jerry, read him a few books (guilty of not doing it as frequently as before we moved here) and just snuggle up with him in his bed because he likes me there.
And then he does his thang again!!! Climbs on me and grabs at my hands..
For some strange reason which I never did in the past.. I asked him…
jerry, why are you doing that? Mummy can’t sleep you know?
He looked up, peers into my eyes and went.. because I want to hug mummy to sleep….
In that instant I felt like the worst mother ever. How could I never, ever think of that? My mind had instant flashbacks about how he used to do that on a daily basis and I always push him away irritated or flick him gently to the side so that I get my own space to sleep..
Omfg. Omfg. Omfg.
I can’t imagine how despondent he must have felt each time I did that in the past.. and how wrong I could be. The signals that i was sending..
I held him extra tight last night in bed.. and hugged him to bed.. (i fell asleep in his bed the whole night) and i now know better. And thankful that i found out about it now than when it’s too late and he doesn’t tries anymore.
This had to be one of the worst moments in my parenting history. How could I be so blind?
p.s. i wrote this post a few days back, so technically last night wasn’t really last night, but till today, i am still feeling like shit and trying to play make up. Am I alone in this motherhood journey where i am constantly feeling like i haven’t done my best with many “i should have..“? I feel so inadequate as a mother at times, and i know i should stop feeling this way, let it go (no pun intended frozen fans), move on and literally just let each experience better me as a mum. But thinking of the right thing is easy… executing it is hard, especially when there is a complex web of emotions all wrapped around.
Cherie
Hi there! Thanks for popping by. I'm Cherie, a ftwm (full-time working mum) to 3 lovely kids (2 boys & a princess) and my motto in life is to BE HAPPY. Sure, life isn't all that smooth but it's the mentality that counts, no? This blog documents my life. Or rather, snippets of my life that has passed me by. I love capturing life memories in the blog and being able to read back and laugh at myself (or anyone). I love to eat (A LOT), travel and paint my own nails so the blog is mostly about that. Is that considered lifestyle? Of cos, the family is also very much an integral part of me so there would be loads of memories about the husband and my kids - Jerry (9yo), Jerome (7yo) and Leia (2.5yo) and everyone else that's close to me. I like documenting the kids' milestones, their growing up years, their achievements (and sometimes, mine), and my struggles and battles with motherhood. It sure ain't easy. I love seeking out good food and travelling, is trigger-happy, love new gadgets, love exploring new places and strives to live life to the fullest. I aspire to travel the world as much as I can, to soak in the different sights across the various continents and visit all the Disneylands in the world (almost there!). Have fun reading and do drop me a comment to say hi! Love, Cherie Lim Find me on Instagram.
12 Comments
Jocelyn
It’s ok girl. It is better to know it late than never. Don’t feel so guilty. 🙂 Just give him more hugs to compensate.
Cherie
Thanks Joce. You are right in the better to know now than never portion. Totally woke me up and made me a lot aware about his actions.
Kless
Kids are a lot more forgiving than we think. You are still the best mummy in his eyes, I’m sure. 🙂
Cherie
Hi Kless! Thanks for the encouraging note and yup.. i guess he has only 1 mummy so i just had to be the best. LOL.
Michelle
My daughter, Lauren does it too. Sometimes I let her be, sometimes if I can’t sleep, I push her to one side. I guess every mother does it, so don’t feel too guilty. They need to learn about rejection at some point 😛
Cherie
Interesting. I found out after posting this post that a lot of mummies have the same problem as me! I don’t feel annoyed anymore since its quite the norm, and you are right.. they need to start learning rejection soon. Life isnt just a bed of roses.
Linus
Communications are very important. Not just between spouse but also between children. 🙂
Don’t be upset. We learn every single day.
Cherie
Thanks Linus! Thanks for the encouraging note. 🙂
april
you are a great mommy, otherwise he wouldn’t want to hug you to sleep at all. He must have felt so loved by you, that he wanna hug you to sleep 🙂
Cherie
Hi April, you know.. i never thought about it the way you did.. but i’m sure you are right and why. just. didn’t. i . see. it. beefore?! Thanks for the note. Super encouraging.
Ling Tan
Hey Cherie. Till now, my almost -8-yo does that to me… What’s worse, he’s a kicker, and one if those whom even in his school packs a brutal punch, so I certainly understand how you feel! It’s ok’, mums ain’t meant to be saints – we just love out little ones very much, and u certainly do 🙂
Cherie
Hi Ling Tan, thanks for sharing your experience. My mum used to say I’m a deadly kicker but i never believed her. Heh. I guess you are right – we aren’t meant to be saints but this lesson taught me to be a little more sensitive to my kids’ actions and i can’t be more glad that i found out now rather than much later. Thank you for reading and leaving me a note. It means so much to me.