Why I Breastfed for…. 13 months (Part of a Breastfeeding blog train series)
Today, I am going to share my breastfeeding story, particularly, my first breastfeeding experience with my first born. I don’t believe I have ever shared it previously (read my previous breastfeeding related posts here), because I didn’t really have it easy, and its pretty much a raw, sensitive story that right up to this point where i’m drafting this post… I don’t know where to begin.
Like all new mums, i read up a lot about breastfeeding prior to giving birth. I faithfully attended antenatal classes, and so ready to embrace the breastfeeding journey.. and all I did, was…breast(milk)feeding. Through a bottle.
I know right. Maybe i am not even qualified to be on this blog train, but I want to share my story and hopefully, inspire enlighten all mom-to-be out there.
Right after birth, I was all gungho about breastfeeding and establishing contact with the baby. The nurses brought the baby and i tried breastfeeding a few times. The baby didn’t latch well, suckled a little and then doze of to la-la land pretty much. The next 2 days in the hospital went by in a whirlwind of non.stop.visitors who were all super excited about the new baby (only greatgrand/grand child/baby in all sides of the family). I hadn’t expected that, and i ended up not having the time nor privacy to even try breastfeeding much. Everyone wanted a share of the baby all the time and i was too nice/too shy to tell people i needed to breastfeed the kid.
Just like that, i MISSED THE GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY where i have all the nurses at my disposable to help me.
Back home, the baby cried non-stop from hunger. After 3 days of not much milk/suckling, he was crying at the top of his lungs. I couldn’t latch him properly and neither can he suckle well (errmm, works of nature and anatomy – big breast, small mouth, short nipple blah blah blah). I refused to feed formula because of all the nipple/teat confusion that i heard about.
My mum, on the other hand was hounding down on my neck about the hungry baby. She kept shouting at me for not feeding the baby and that the baby is very hungry and kept wanting to stuff the bottle into baby’s mouth. The husband was clueless on the situation and didn’t know what to do with the crying baby either. It didn’t help that i had bottled ready-to-serve formula milk on hand (just ask from the hospital before discharge!) or maybe it did help because the baby had that and he was at peace.
I was upset but i just accepted it. After all, i witnessed for myself how hungry the baby was. I did cry in the confines of my own room when no one was looking. I felt like i was a failed mum. I tried latching the baby each time he is due for a feed for 2 days and kept failing. I eventually gave up seeing how the baby kept crying and seeing the lack of support in this breastfeeding journey – my mum just wants to feed formula/bottle feed. my husband didnt know what to do and just wants my mum to shut up because he was overly tired with everything and needed some peace. I ended up expressing milk every 2 hrly because i would rather the baby have my breastmilk than formula at that point in time. I was really on the brink of post-natal depression and was all cranky/frustrated constantly and feeling pissed off with everyone around me. If you troll through my May 2011 entries, i am sure you can feel my emotional roller coaster.
I fell into routine from the 3rd day back and everything else is history. I never bothered about trying to latch anymore. As long as the baby was drinking breastmilk from me, i am good and went on zealously pumping everything out on schedule. On hindsight, it was like i was beating myself up for not be able to latch the baby by subjecting myself to rigorous 2hrly pumping schedule ROUND THE CLOCK. I know, i barely slept at all. it was a vicious cycle. i was constantly tired and wanted to throw the baby out of the window. #truestory
on the 10th day, i have become quite the cow, expressing 250-300ml every 2 hours and never looked back since. I did grapple with a lot of leaky issues (soaked through my bra & top and just drips as i walk around the house!!), block ducts, mastitis and all but i just kept on going since breast is best (i don’t need to say the reason why, do i?) and mostly, FREE (most compelling reason as well as to break even the breast pump purchase). i went on and on and eventually managed to pack an entire self standing freezer packed with breastmilk in 4 months.
When i returned to work, i couldn’t quite keep up with the demands of work to be pump ever so often so i scaled down on the schedule. But i must say, having a nice, clean nursing room at work helps tremendously and i am ever so thankful about the one in my office.
I eventually stopped breastfeeding at 13 months 14 months (i counted wrongly!) because… i was pregnant with my second kid (read: 3 times to get it right). I didnt stop earlier because the supply was over-flowing and i didnt want it to go to waste. However, the constant fatigue from the pregnancy did it to me, i was so tired i needed to sleep all the time. The milk supply also dip horrendously and i eventually just stopped.
and yup. I didn’t breastfeed my baby. I breastmilk fed my baby. I didnt have the chance to constantly bond with my baby through breastfeeding. There wasnt much skin-to-skin contact for me. Most of the time, i was busy with the breast pumps and the kid is fed by my mum or my husband. Did it matter? No, because today, i am still jerry’s favourite person in the world. He kicked started his first few days of milk on formula and he didnt look different or feel any less healthy to other babies. Granted that he drank breastmilk, but he is on formula milk now and is still growing.
To all the mums-to-be out there, it is OK. It really is. There are so many factors involved in successful breastfeeding and there are so many issues that may potentially cause you not being able to. I am just one of the lucky ones that have a large supply of milk. Some mums cannot even express enough milk to need baby’s demands but that does not make them any less of a mum. Someone told me this when i was struggling with breastfeeding, so i am going to share it with you all.
A happy mum equals to a happy baby. Nothing else matters.
Whatever makes the world go round. Keep your sanity in check and do the best you can to make yourself happy. If breastfeeding doesnt work, its OK. Think of the bigger picture. There is more to being a mum than just breastfeeding. You have a even bigger/more important role to fill – being a happy mum to the baby for many more years to come.
Sorry. I just had to flash my favourite baby photo of Jerry, taken when he was 5 days old. Indulge me.
Here’s some quick pointers that i want to bring across:
- It is normal not to have any milk within the first few days post birth of baby. Just have faith and keep trying, the milk will eventually come.
- If you are struggling, remember that being a new mum is overwhelming enough. Most importantly, keep your sanity in check
- It helps if you start prepping the people around you before the birth of your child (especially those that would be around while you are on confinement) on what is your preferred choice of feeding your kids to reduce any unnecessary frustrations, disagreements and most importantly, the feeling of lack of support.
Well, in case you are curious about my 2nd breastfeeding journey, Jerome had g6pd and high jaundice levels and was hospitalized for a week while i discharged. I went back to the hospital everyday to attempt breastfeeding him, but i didnt manage to either. I guess its fate, and that some things are just not meant to be. Anyhow, that’s another story for another time. I hope my sharing would have helped some of you in knowing that breastfeeding is not a MUST. It is really a privilege to be able to do so, and if you can’t. there are bigger things in life to focus on.
I hope you like this post. I’m have been thinking about writing a post on expressing milk – how to get the most out of your breast. What you think? Would you be interested in reading? Drop me a note! And oh, in case you are wondering about breast pumps, I use medela freestyle and did a review for avent breast pumps. Go for the double pump if you can afford it because it saves a lot of time.
Tomorrow, Winnie from Toddly Mummy will share about her breastfeeding journey where she breastfed her kid for 14 months.
About Winnie
I’m a born-again drama-mama and creative extraordinaire. I’ve never considered myself to have much talent in those areas. However, I’ve learnt that motherhood makes you discover talents you’ve never expected yourself to have. I work full time and spend the evenings home learning and reading with my kids. Find out about my breastfeeding journey as a FTWM.
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Just a shout-out that the iFly flights giveaway is still happening on the blog. Do pop over and take part in the contest before it ends this Friday (14 March 14)! Indoor Skydiving is a lot of fun, minus the risk and cost of a real sky diving experience! 🙂
Cherie
Hi there! Thanks for popping by. I'm Cherie, a ftwm (full-time working mum) to 3 lovely kids (2 boys & a princess) and my motto in life is to BE HAPPY. Sure, life isn't all that smooth but it's the mentality that counts, no? This blog documents my life. Or rather, snippets of my life that has passed me by. I love capturing life memories in the blog and being able to read back and laugh at myself (or anyone). I love to eat (A LOT), travel and paint my own nails so the blog is mostly about that. Is that considered lifestyle? Of cos, the family is also very much an integral part of me so there would be loads of memories about the husband and my kids - Jerry (9yo), Jerome (7yo) and Leia (2.5yo) and everyone else that's close to me. I like documenting the kids' milestones, their growing up years, their achievements (and sometimes, mine), and my struggles and battles with motherhood. It sure ain't easy. I love seeking out good food and travelling, is trigger-happy, love new gadgets, love exploring new places and strives to live life to the fullest. I aspire to travel the world as much as I can, to soak in the different sights across the various continents and visit all the Disneylands in the world (almost there!). Have fun reading and do drop me a comment to say hi! Love, Cherie Lim Find me on Instagram.
24 Comments
Madeline Heng
Wow u r really disciplined in your pumping!! I did exclusive pumping for 1 week only (boobs too engorged, baby couldn’t latch well), and I was tired out beyond belief! And I only pump every 3 hours!
As long as ur baby gets the breast milk I think you qualified to have breast fed him! Awesome post, thanks for sharing 🙂
Cherie
Hi Madeline, ya. I think discipline is the key to a good supply. I almost died with the 2hrly schedule actually and i did it because baby needed to drink more than what i could produce in the first week!
Thanks for hosting the blog train, i had a lot of fun reading everyone’s experience as well and heh! Thank you for not out-casting me!
Su Yen
Dear Cherie, thanks a lot for sharing this beautiful story with us. I recently became a mom and my baby is currently 23 days old. I had quite a similar experience as you. The only difference was my husband is a doctor in the paeds department and the person who pressured me a lot to bottle feed was my mother in law. My husband insist to cup feed at first when we came back home but my MIL insist to bottle feed. Claiming my baby was hungry and etc. Everytime she visits us, she will make comments like why am I not feeding the baby. She looks hungry. Must feed every 2 hours. My sister in law diligently feed every 2 hours and baby so chubby and healthy. All these comments really saddens me. I thought I fail as a mother since this is my first time. After much discussion with my husband, we decided to ignore what my MIL say and just focus on giving BM no matter what method. Either breast feed or bottle feed does not matter as long as my baby is getting my breast milk. After all, that’s the main objective. My baby has difficult to latch too like in your case. So thanks a lot for sharing. At least I know I am not alone
Cherie
Hi Su Yen, you are definitely not alone in this journey. I thought i was the weirdest person around too cos all my friends are able to do a direct latch. But everyone of us is special, there is no 2 same mothers so just do whatever we can within our means. As long as we tried, we are a good enough mother. Babies don’t judge you whether you formula feed or breastfeed them.
Stay sane, cheer up and spend the time bonding with the kid instead of fretting over things that dont really matter. 🙂
Rena
Yes please, would be plenty interested in how you manage to yield 300ml per pump. I cant get 300ml per day :,(
Looking forward!
Cherie
Hi Rena,
I’ll try to write a post on that when i can, but meanwhile, having a schedule and sticking to it is important! and drink a lot of water and eat healthily.
Thanks for leaving me a note and see ya around! 🙂
Nsg
Very inspiring.pls share how to get the most out of the breast when u pump? My baby can direct latch ok,but i only manage to get 2oz (both sides) everytime i pump.so stress that im going back to work soon.
Moon
Hi Cherie, once again, very inspiring n motivating blog, esp for those who struggling to dl but failed n end up bcum a EP mom out there. It will be nice if u could share your post on expressing milk, I definitely would like to know more abt it! Thanks! 🙂
Boo
Hi, I had the same experience last September. I don’t have any milk for the first 3 days. End up, the baby is bottle feed with formula milk. When I went to confinement center, I pump every 3 hours, for the first week I just got little milk. This is not enough for my baby. And, my breast is block, pain, and the outer layer of the nipple is pain due to over pump. I make it routine every 3 hours, and eventually midnight I have to put alarm to wake up and pump.
This is my first time, i feel so pressure and extremely tired. I try to latch my baby, but he just no interested. After 2 weeks, I have milk flow and is one bottle full. But sadly to know that, the confinement center take my milk and not feeding my baby, yet they feed him the formula milk (i guess). Because with my milk flow 8 full bottle 24 hours, it is sufficient for my baby. But still they asking milk powder from me.
Back home, i still facing the pressure due to different environment and I need to take care baby full time. My milk dripping if i don’t pump. Alot of my cousin comment the milk handling… blah blah blah….. my baby don’t latch, what can i do…. i can’t do anything but just to pump out and feed him via bottle. Still get comment…. blah blah… must feed baby directly…. I’m crazy… my mood swing easily and always getting emotional …. my husband just don’t feeling the tense that I’m having.
Easily i’m suffering sleepless night. Without pumping the milk, my bed wet… my whole body wet…. I totally don’t know how to handle this. Just at the time I’m thinking to give up… my baby learn to latch…. and i’m so happy… to feed him during night without waking to pump…. this is almost 2 months time.
When back to work, my office don’t have any room for mum milk production, I just can’t think to stop it. So I just got to the store room and start my production. I bring all my stuff to work including ice box…. everyone ask me am i going to picnic? hahahha……… I’m enjoying doing this for my baby who is now almost 5.5 months.
But due to work… my milk output is drop….not much as before. It is sufficient for my baby 24 hours plus 1 time formula milk. This is all I can do for my baby…. I still continue to feed him even if he start on to add in some other solid food in his day….
Cherie
Hi Boo,
i can totally understand what you went through. Just try to ignore what others are saying and do what you deem fit? Your own sanity is a lot more important than what other has to say. If you think whatever you are doing is good enough, it is! Just do your best in this breast feeding journey but dont beat yourself up if you cannot handle it. It’s ok. There’s really more to being a mother than just breastfeeding.
Jac @ The Little Mom
Wow, you are really a nazi. I envy the amount of milk you can store and is looking forward to your post on getting the most out of your breast. Glad that you have survived through all these, I also went thru a difficult period myself with regards to breastfeeding, so I can somewhat understand.
Cherie
Since i wasn’t able to directly latch the baby, i was very focused on the next best thing. There are days where i totally feel like throwing in the towel and give it all up, but the source of motivation come from giving the best to the baby as well as losing weight or maintaining my weight! 😛
Cynthia
Hi Cherie,
I am pumping about 7-9 times daily as much as I possibly can. It’s been almost a week and my average yield is still at 65ml. Will you be able to share how I can get more milk..? My bb is drinking 140ml now, I simply cannot catch up and have to top up w fm.. Thank you.
Cherie
Hi Cynthia,
How old is your baby? Try massaging the breast while pumping and try exerting a little pressure on the breast (press down on the breast while pumping, especially at the bottom of the breast)? Do also drink a lot of water, maybe a glass 20 mins before each pump and monitor? Does your pump allow you to increase the suction? if it does, maybe can try that? If you have done all these and it doesn’t quite improve (it may takes weeks to see results), maybe it could be due to anatomy? Don’t despair though, whatever you can give is good enough and just do your best.
Good luck and stay happy! 🙂
Irene
Thanks for sharing such inspiring story of yours. I was kinda bothered with what my friends told me that if I don’t latch my baby the bond will not be there. I’ve to pump to my baby coz he doesn’t want the be latch on after day 3 of trying. But after reading your story, I strongly feel that bottle fed breast milk is not as bad as what those people have said.
Cherie
Hi Irene,
Everyone has a different breastfeeding journey. Don’t compare and there are a lot of well-being people out there, but what they might not realize is that what works for them might not work for you. I feel bonding can be cultivated through other activities as well. just spend more time with the baby to make up. Good luck, just do the best you can and keep those spirits up. You are as good a mother as you are!
Thanks for reading and see you around! 🙂
JY
Hi Cherie,
Your post strike a chord with me. With my no.1, I was also unable to latch her on when we got discharged from the hospital. She was an impatient baby with a big appetite. She will always scream her lungs out when the milk from my breast was not flowing out fast enough for her. Hence, I decided to exclusively pump and feed her EBM. I wasn’t as diligent as you, only expressing every 3 hours. Due to her large appetite as well as my limited BM supply, we have no choice but to supplement with formula milk. It was tough lugging out your breast pump, EMB with ice packs and hot water flask (to warm up the milk) if we decide to go out. Even then, we tried not to venture out of the house more than 4 hours. Everywhere we go, we have to find places with nursing rooms that will allow me to pump and express milk for my baby. Despite the inconvenience, I still managed to persevere and pump and express milk for a total of 13 months.
With my no. 2, he is the direct opposite. He is a slow drinker and an extremely patient baby. It was a joy to be able to directly latch him on. On the other hand, he became very dependent on suckling on my breast to fall asleep at night. Luckily I managed to wean him off this dependency when he turned 14 months old.
Despite one being bottle-fed on EBM, the other being BF, both kids are very close to me. As long as the baby is growing up healthily, mummies out there need not beat themselves up for their low milk supply or feeding their babies with formula milk. Bonding with your baby can takes place during bottle feeding, playing and spending quality time with them.
To all mummies out there, jia you!
Aruna L Mascarenhas
Thanks for sharing your story Cherie! I never had to use a breast pump because I am a stay home mom. I breast fed my 3 elder boys till they were 3 year’s and plan to do so for my 5 month old as well. They all latched on very well although it was tough in the beginning with sore and painful nipples but I didn’t give up since I had read A lot on breastfeeding and it’s importantance. Now I’m quite a pro at it and I enjoy it a lot! Now I keep advising and encouraging my friends to breast feed too.
You are doing a great job with your baby and yes there are always other ways to bond with your baby. All the best always!
The Kam Family
Wow, those milk in the freezer!!! Admired your dedication and perseverance! A very touching story that would touch so many hearts!
BTW, my boy is G6PD deficient and has high jaundice in the first few weeks too.
Cherie
Hi Tzer Jing,
Yes! I know right? I was really the ebm Nazi and just went on to produce more and more..
My 2nd boy took a lot more formula at birth because of his condition, and practically the entire first month of his life to bring down the jaundice level.. so well, there is really a lot of factors to successful breastfeeding.
Moon
It will be nice if u could share with us the way how u produce so much milk! I’m currently facing the low supply problem, can’t catch up with my boy’s demand soon! Sob sob
Cherie
Hi moon, I hope to soon too! Am solo parenting this week (husband is away for work) and its gonna be tough juggling full time work, 2 kids, expressing milk and blogging, but i’ll try!
Hopefully can churn out that post soooooooonnnnn!
Jac
May I know how you store the breast milk? Is it storage bag or bottle? And what’s the brand? I’m concern storing in storage bag will leak. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon.
Cherie
Hi Jac, i use the lasinoh milk bags. I find their capacity a lot higher (can store more milk hence use lesser bags), and the quality is quite good though it would tear if you accidentally drop the bag on the floor. It’s double zip lock but it’s quite expensive tho. Think it retails at $30+ for packs of 50 counts. I have some boxes left.. If you are keen, i can sell them to you cheaply, like $18/box.