blah
i dont believe this.
i dont find the urge to blog (yes, im blogging but only b’cos im force myself to keep snippets of my thoughts). i read entries all over but, much like i love to, i lost the urge to comment. i dont know why, i have become a stealth reader, else some short comments randomly for a couple.
i feel drained.
i am chicken. i pull out of the interview scheduled tomorrow at tuas. i am in no mood to churn out reports for some co. that i dont think i want to work for. i dont want to pull my damn arse outta the bed before 6am to attend an interview at 9am. i dont forsee me wanting to work in tuas, ever. lastly, i dont want to waste the cab fares to and from the office for the interview, since my interest is minimal ever since i heard abt it. i called this morning and lied that i already got a job offer. blatantly.
my mood sucks. i wish i could have wei around me constantly to cheer me up, lighten my mood and bring me smiles.
and I HATE ULCERS! they are such a painful thing ok? worse than having braces, even tho braces sometimes does give u small little ulcers. worse than having the wisdom tooth plucked out. at least i ate chickie wings 3 hrs after my wisdom tooth extraction surgery, but i cant fucking eat anything the whole of today without pain. even talking is a chore. drinking is an arse.
ok. i usually have a high tolerance for pain. but the ulcer is really irritating the shit outta me. i had medication on it for a few days now, as often as i can apply. not only it’s not healing, it’s getting BIGGER and the whole area ard it is sore and red.
my mood sucks. i cant make it out if its panic (havent started jap test), frustration (keep getting interviews but not the type of co i wanna work for), unrest (a whole list of to-do stuff, but cant seemed to find the time), pms or if it’s just the heat getting to me.
even retail therapy doesnt work for me today. met wwenzz + pishako for the private isetan sale. i cant even find anything to BUY. which is extremely, unusual.
reading does a thing for me. and i borrowed 3 books from the lib. today. something i havent done for ages. just added to the list of book to read, which i havent had the time for.
but, i still read. makes me totally at peace and lost in another world. study jap i should, but read i want.
urgh! i wanna SCREAM!!!!!!
tomorrow – collect cheque from ex co, see the doc (forgot today cos lost in reading), interview at late afternoon, dinner with angela before hitting the wake for shannon’s granny
sat – the only full day left to mug for jap
sun – loopedbusrides‘s wedding, meeting up with primary school friends
mon – jap test
tues – interview in early morning
so many things i wanna do.. sort out the stacks of name cards from previous workplace, unpack the boxes of personal stuff lugged back from previous workplace, clean the room, sort out the room, read papers, send resumes, change my blog layout..
my mind is constantly reminding myself i have a lot to do, so little time. like a frantic race. i am, but a crippled now.
swimming keeps popping into my head. when will my leg recover? every time i make too quick an action, the pain jolts me to reality. i am frustrated not being able to walk as fast as i used to. frustrated i cant catch the train before it moves off. frustrated that i dont know what implications i might have in the future.
yet, i keep pushing it to the limit. i want to be normal.
i think i am breaking down.
47 Comments
sepps2
I think I get what you’re feeling. it’s like not wanting to do anything, yet knowing/thinking there’s something you OUGHT to do. it’s contradictory, and the feeling sucks.
cheer up soon! 🙂
cherieladieblogs
wow! u just summed it up in one sentence for me.. that’s EXACTLY what im feeling!!
and thanks..
sepps2
I get that all the time. haha. 🙂
vonique
woah. seems like, u having a emotional turmoil weekend huh.
hmmm. sad, happy and then stress. =)
cheer up babe. =)
btw, wad happen to ur leg?
cherieladieblogs
i tore a ligament on my right leg. 🙁
thanks for the encouragement.
vonique
oh no!
take care kae?
^^
cherieladieblogs
ok. thanks!
lilsnooze
dont feel bad. its no point wasting time n $$ on a company u dont see yrself working for.
depression hits usually when one is in between jobs..dont worry, the right door will open 🙂
cherieladieblogs
thanks for the encouragement! 🙂
wwenzz
*stand beside cher* Naaa.. You’ve my ears, shoulders and arms. I’m reachable via my mobile too, 24/7! Chin up gal! We must be strong, and happy thoughts do help.
cherieladieblogs
*play with your ears*
*poke your shoulders*
*grab your arms and run*
Oops. forgot i cant run! 🙁 but anyway, thanks girl, u know.. u can always cheer me up with webcam..
wwenzz
*fart*
hhaha.. 😡
cherieladieblogs
shrieks!
u stiny girl!!!!
*limps away*
lovenokia4eva
drink plenty of water everday..this will heal the ulcer faster..another option is u can use listerine(if you hv it) and apply it on the ulcer part for few times per day..i tried before and it works.
cherieladieblogs
i drank loads already, im quite a water bucket really but i think it just frustration cos i drank so much, had medication and still it’s not recovering!
so annoying!
oh, and i dont have listerine. that’s interesting. shall try it when i pop over my bf’s hse. thanks!
lovenokia4eva
just happened to browse thru ur old blog..hmmm noticed that u from phs too..presbyterian high issit..my friend also from there leh..if i am not wrong, she is from 1996 or 1995 batch ba.
cherieladieblogs
really? what’s her name? i might know her!
lovenokia4eva
do u noe mae?
cherieladieblogs
elizabeth mae? or just mae?
lovenokia4eva
i not sure of her chinese name. I always call her mae..she is quite tall person.
cherieladieblogs
Hmm.. prefect? or active in any other sports?
maybe u could just ask her if she knows zihui. 🙂
lovenokia4eva
i don think she is a prefect…err..i reckon her surname is ang. well..i will try and ask her when she comes back from auditing trip. anyway, all the best to ur surgery.
cherieladieblogs
Gosh. ang liling? very tall girl? dun tell me its her… my class mate lah!
lovenokia4eva
the funniest part i dun even know her chinese name..haha..anyway she is a workholic who often travels to do internal auditing.
cherieladieblogs
did she used to stay in the states for a period of time in the past? i think its her..
lovenokia4eva
yup..for quite a few years.i only got to know her when we were from same university in UK. anyway, u still in touch with her?
wah…compared to ur recent pics and the class foto..amazing..lol
lovenokia4eva
i email u the pic i took with her..
cherieladieblogs
got my email address? cherieladie@msn.com
i think she’s in the class photo too.. somewhere in the centre!
lovenokia4eva
ya i know..quite easy to spot her coz of her height.
cherieladieblogs
🙂 so are u going to email me the photo? and no, i kinda lost touch with her after a while.. but i have friends still in contact with her i think.
🙂
lovenokia4eva
u hven got my email ah? i sent last fri..my email name is rossinta
cherieladieblogs
oh i got it! hotmail labelled it as junk mail and chunked it into the junk folder. Grrr..
it was showed as ocean ocean tho. 🙂
are those the neo cards? very cute! so, how did u know mae?
lovenokia4eva
yup..we took at bugis..those $8 machine..
we were from same faculty class in UK uni..and she was once my housemate for a year.
cherieladieblogs
oooh. interesting. 🙂
i wonder how its like to study in UK man.
lovenokia4eva
i think u still can recognise her..lol
cherieladieblogs
yap. she looks prettier but still recognisable.
lovenokia4eva
btw, do u wan her msn add?
cherieladieblogs
oh great.. can u give it to me?
lovenokia4eva
maelyn79@hotmail.com
lovenokia4eva
hope everything went well for ur surgery..
cherieladieblogs
thanks. im back and my leg’s swelling badly. the pain is doing me in now since i am no longer on the morphine drip to ease the pain..
i_believe
*lend cher Eeyore*
*hugs* Chin up girl. This phrase will pass once you get settled into a job. Think happy thoughts! Or we can go for drinking sessions to drown whatever woes we have.. lol
cherieladieblogs
*boi nudges eeyore*
* the 2 of them trots off to play*
lol. now, that’s a funny sight. hopefully, i’ll get a dream job soon! drinking sessions?!?!?!?!?!
no no no.. i dont want you to send me home again! tee hee.
i_believe
lol. So cute…
Don’t worry! No more martinis this time 😉
cherieladieblogs
no beer too!!
ok, i shall drink 1 lychee margaritas. nothing else! 😛
chanrkl
*BIG HUGS*
chin up, rant here or msn me when you need to! 🙂
can’t help other than this…
cherieladieblogs
thanks girl. u are so sweet. 🙂