5.25am

the pitter patter of the rain just started. here i am staring at my computer in the middle of the night, feeling bored and missing der’s warmth that i usually snuggle up onto.

i pondered about how my boss mentioned the other day..

if you say don’t know, it means you are not sure..

sounds so simple to understand right? but it just hit me hard. i thought about the life thus far, and if i was happy where i am. i thought about how well i was in the past, happy and without a care in some aspects, and yet, these days, i think i am feeling so deluded that i don’t know what is me anymore.

what are my values?

where were my ideas, and perspectives? and principles? have they all gone hiding. it’s so hard, realising that i am turning into someone i don’t really know. someone who doesn’t enjoy the process and keep thinking of the end journey. i have been missing all those flower smelling, nice scenery all these time.

sigh. why am i like that?

i must find a balance somewhere.