i think my son is drunk on milk. i really had enough of my mum stuffing milk into my son’s mouth ALL THE TIME.

she is doing what, hourly feeds?! and she does it quietly without letting me know even though i am in the same house. just because i am in my own room and not in the sight of the baby all the time.

and now, the damn baby is cranky the entire afternoon and refuses to be soothed and i don’t know what is wrong because my schedule/routine is all messed up by my damn mother. her words changes every damn day and i really had it up my neck with her on the things she said.

and her feeds are like 20ml, 40ml every other hour! if i am the baby, of cos i’ll be damn cranky, giving me a bit of my milk that doesnt make me full enough to go sleep and then leave me to cry my lungs out and then feed another 20ml. wtf. and guess who is the one that tells me and hubby not to give out small portions of the feed initially? (we did that at the start because we have no idea what is the actual amount of milk the baby should take, and when the milk’s finished and the baby is still looking like he needs more – sticking out of tongue, turning his head around).. but now that we have established the qty, we have since stopped doing that. and see who doesn’t do what she preaches now?

i haven’t gone into the bit where i told her not to feed water to jerry and she obviously did it BEHIND MY BACK because i am the observant daughter and she is the mother that doesn’t clean up her act. she left a small little cup (hardly used in my household cos everyone drinks from huge metal tins) with a tiny teaspoon, half filled with water at the sink. i decided not to expose her but she’s really makes me fume today.

The thing is, parents send their kids to the schools to acquire knowledge and when i do and tell her the things that i know, read about or learn about from others, she DOES NOT BELIEVE ME (her educated daughter) and doesnt heed the doctor’s advise. oh, you mean you are like smarter than the doctor is it? i am not trying to be mean but its like, going to the doc and not believing the doctor, so what’s the point in doing it? waste of money (same case for both education and seeing the doc!). same thing with the heat rashes. told her umpteen times that the heat rashes are caused by the heat in the living room and not to let Jerry sleep on the mat/sofa in the living room, but everyday, the same damn thing is still happening. I only carry the baby out when there are times i cannot take care of the baby (expressing milk, going to the toilet, bathing) but it doesnt mean that the baby has to stay out there the whole day. she always put the baby to sleep outside even tho i have told her otherwise. if there is any where the baby should be, it is in the cot.

i also had had enough of her presuming assumptions. like how the baby cried in the night because of a wet diaper, and before i could even change the diaper of the baby, my mum storms into my room and say.. “YOUR ROOM TOO COLD FOR BABY LAH, LET HIM SLEEP OUTSIDE!!!”. well, with the wet diaper out of the way, my baby happily went back to sleep (so i am right and she is wrong).

like wtf seriously. if she can read the mind of Jerry, she don’t have to resort to dunking him with milk all the time. smart alec. go, tell me what’s wrong when the baby’s crying then!

guess what? i kinda envy the husband actually. he has at least 10-12 hrs of time out and away from the baby and my neurotic mum. it’s really a pain in the arse to be confined with her for so many hours of the day, and no wonder my brother always stay in his room when he is at room. its too hard to get along with her, especially on a 24/7 basis. i know its harsh to say this as a daughter, but if i am saying it, i really mean it.

she also annoys me daily because she likes to gossip with other people, about me. telling my aunts/uncles (yes, i know if you are reading this) about my parenting style, about what i say cannot drink water (yes, yes, i am the ignorant one and she is the smart one.. i should make a status and worship her), the clothes that i buy, the amount of times i bathe, and about whatever that i said and she is unhappy about. she doesnt know that her daughter has sharp ears too. just because i pretend not to hear and act nonchalant, it does not mean that i do not know. seriously, i just cannot be bothered to kick up any more fuss because it will just trigger a nervous breakdown on my end and i’ll probably sink into post-natal depression.

the only thing that’s maintaining my sanity right now is my blog. it’s the only outlet i have because i think the husband also have his neck up with his work, fatigue and the baby’s cries (and of cos, some nonsense from my mum too).

gawd, i just wish i have the strength to look after the baby 24/7 and not feel so tired just so to reduce the amount of conflict i will have with my mum.

in health wise, i think i have developed a really bad backache (from bending down to pick up Jerry from the living room sofa – another pt why i hate having him there) and aching wrists on both hands from the weight that i have been subjecting them to (carry jerry and trying to wrestle his struggles).

sigh.

someone out there, please bless me. i really need it for the next 2 months.



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