i havent been blogging decently for the last few days. this is prob. the longest stretch of period that i stopped putting in entries since i started blogging here actively in lj. i feel like life have been sucked out of me these days. i dont know what to feel. each time i click on update journal, i ended up staring blankly for some time, unable to gather my thoughts and eventually click the red X box at the top right corner.

dinner on friday with allan was ok. despite me sending emails and smses out, only 4 person turned up. that’s shannon, moses, david and me. i deeply appreciate them for coming along, especially david, who REALLY make an effort to come even after knocking off late..even it’s just for the drinks. i cannot say that i am not disappointed. especially when people replied to say ok. when i reached and msged to ask if they were coming soon, they replied that they cannot make it.

yes. i am sore alright. i cannot comprehend why people would act that way. was it as moses had casually commented that it was because i was the person to organised it thus resulting in lesser people coming? would you people have come along should the organiser be shannon or moses? i seriously do not know, and am not interested in finding out.

the reason for the gathering is for mr. tan. cos he and his beloved daisy dear are flying back to UK. he desires to see you people, to catch up with our lives. if i were the person going to uk instead, will you people have turned up too? you know, its the thought that counts, and its the friendship that bounds. i do not know about you people, but i was rushing like mad to go to the dinner, and i had to bid goodbye to allan and hop onto a car heading straight to kuantan. yes, even when it caused me trouble to head back home to grab my luggage and inconvenieced the driver to detour to my house. that is the extent that i would go just for our dear friend allan, because to me, friendship is important.

i guess that is also the reason why david came rushing over even after we have finished our meals, for a short while, just to say hi.

my point is, friendship needs maintanence.

recently, pei and me have been evaluating the friends around us. yes. we are. we came to the conclusion that sometimes, although we try to include people in our activities, people just dont do the same. we feel kinda left out and wondered why this is happening. or that the fact was, it has always been like that, but getting obvious these days. sigh.

i guess i wouldnt have minded much since i do have a lot of friends whom i know cares for me. but its just kinda disappoints me that people went on without even thinking about you, while all the time you had them in your mind.

i was glued to my com one day and i think my mum was watching the show “frog prince”.. and my ears caught this meaningful line and it has since etched itself in my brain.

“您一时不小心的无意,才是您真正地选择..” (i know some words are wrong, but i cant type chinese characters at work and this is the best i could have managed out of online translators)

how true. no matter how one tries to hide their real intention, or how good at acting they are, there will be times when u are caught off guard and reveal your real feelings.

enough of this issue, i do not wish to dwell on it, and i am just glad that allan still enjoyed himself. by the way, for those of you who might be keen to know, allan & daisy are flying off on the 17th, which is this saturday and 3 days away.

the kuantan trip wasnt as enjoyable as the last one i went. i even had to cry myself to bed on one of the days. and as u could see, im not as keen to post pictures as well. but, i really must thank anson for being such a good host. despite everything, he hosted us in this apartment this time round, came by to wake us every morning for brekkie or lunch (even tho his house was 26km away!), drove us around, treat us meals and accomodated our shopping needs.

there was a certain amount of fun nonetheless, but this short trip with filled with much more unhappiness compared to the longer trip we had last decemeber.

i havent really talked to wei since we got back. we had been plagued with tiredness and never seems to be able to recuperate from the lack of sleep, but im sure he didnt enjoy the trip too, cos it was quite evident from his attitude and reaction to the stuff happening around us.

i wonder when we will be back there again.

jap class on monday night was a disaster. the change in teacher meant that i needed to make adjustments on how the language was taught, and this teacher goes on a really fast pace and “skips” you even tho you were trying hard to figure our the answers. i’m sure she also doesnt really bothers to really explain and make sure u understand, before proceeding. it also doesnt help that she was speaking japanese 80% of the time (with rocket speed!), with the rest of the 20% in mandarin. hello? if i could understand japanese, i dont need to learn rite?

Grr. less than 30 mins into the class, i was ready to drop it. i couldnt understand a shit!

now, i think i have 2 options. study really really hard, which means its gonna be a daily affair of at least 2 hours, or drop it. the next class is tomorrow and i havent found the time to revise. 🙁

work isnt going too smoothly as well. i hate being ordered around.

belle isnt around to cheer my days either. i wish i could stop everything from moving and seek solace in the comfort of my room and my quilt.

i hope some sunshine pops into my life now so that i can stop being gloomy.